On Cysts & Politics, Part 1

Over the past few weeks, I'd been having this very unusual sensation in my groin area. But it was on and off and didn't bother me much until last Wednesday evening, when this sensation came on -- and did not turn off.

It bothered me enough to call my OB-GYN on Thursday even though I risked sounding like a complete wacko. I mean, just imagine, "Yes, hello. What do you recommend I do about the tiny buzzing alarm clock up my ass?" They could've ordered that I to go straight to McLean. But I swallowed my pride, and in between repeated statements that began with "I-know-this-sounds-crazy-but" , I described my symptom to the nurse on call. Not surprisingly, she was completely stumped. Take Motrin she said.

I got no sympathy from JLew -- which is to be expected. She did live with a hypochondriac for ten years.

By Friday afternoon I was about to go out of my fucking mind. This sensation was now radiating down my left leg, and at one startling point, down my left arm. Panicking, I called my GP and described the symptoms. She was stumped as well, but her guess was that I had an "atypical migraine event." As it was after 4 o'clock on a Friday afternoon, she suggested I go to an emergency room and have a nuerological exam. Knowing that a trip to the ER would cost me money that I don't have, I decided to just go home and tough it out.

On Saturday, I vegged on the the couch watching TV. No pain, no problem, though the vibrating sensation continued.

I was determined to be active on Sunday, mostly because Jane would not have forgiven me for staying on the couch another day. We ran errands and did chores around the house. Still, the sensation continued, but it was now accompanied by pain and tenderness on my left side. I came to the conclusion that what I was most likely experiencing was a cyst. Knowing that I had to take my stepdaughter to the eye doctor the next morning (which happens to be in the same town as my GYN and GP), I decided to call my GYN and try to get seen right away.

Fortunately, there was an appointment available after Soapy's eye exam. Always a good sport, Soapy came along and sat patiently in the waiting room while I was poked and prodded. While the doctor didn't feel a cyst, she still recommended bloodwork and a pelvic ultrasound at the hospital.

Never having had a pelvic ultrasound, I didn't know what to expect. Silly me, I thought it was just a regular ultrasound that focused on my pelvic area. Ah...no. Like a johnny-clad lamb to a slaughter, I was led to my doom...